Not THAT KID Monday

So, I'm not going to do a not me Monday. I was perfect all week long. Except on Friday, when I did not scream profanities at the world in general. :) Friday...well...read on.

Last Monday was good. Last Tuesday was decent. Last Wednesday was a remarkable day...I got to meet That Dad's childhood best friend who has moved to the country named for a delicious Thanksgiving treat. For those of you thinking, "Um, I don't know of any country named Green Bean Casserole!!" well, I'm glad you're my friend. You make me feel smart. :)

That brings us to Thursday. Grab your beverage of choice, and sit back. It's gonna be fun from here on out!

Thursday, That Kid did not climb up on the stove completely on his own. He did not get the coffee out, and did not spill it all over my clean stove (thank heaven for flat top stoves!). Upon noticing it was very quiet in the kitchen, I did not go to investigate and That Kid did not bump his head on the range hood, did not fall over backwards off the stove onto the kitchen floor, and did not promptly fall asleep which did not scare the crap out of me. I did not spend the next couple hours checking That Kid as he slept (btw, if this had really happened, That Kid would be just fine).

Friday...otherwise known as the Day from Hell. On Friday, That Dad did not suggest we go out for breakfast. We did not get ready, and go to UJump for breakfast. That Kid did not throw huge fits at breakfast, refusing to eat only when I was holding him. He did not slap books and crayons out of That Dad's hand. And when breakfast was over, we did not go to the Smiley Face store. When we were not at the Smiley Face store, we did not go into the toy department. That Dad did not want to get That Kid a hotwheels track for $8, and That Kid did not refuse the track That Dad did not want to get him for one that was $30. I can't believe I'm not going to admit to what happened next.

It was not Armageddon. Three employees did not come ask if That Kid was alright. While we were not trying to escape, "Mr. Back in a Brace that could only move 2 inches a minute" did not get in front of us, and every rude person in the Mile High city did not pass us, not allowing us to move faster. These same people did not give us butt crusty looks. I did not hear those same people making remarks about how That Kid's behaviour was unacceptable (REALLY??? Did you never go out with an almost 3 year old?!?). Once we made it to our car, That Kid did not refuse to get in his carseat, there was not a woman watching That Kid scream with a horrified look on her face and her hand poised to grab her cell phone to possibly call the police because she thought we were not kidnapping That Kid (Hey...how do you prove your kid is yours, anyway?? Should I start carrying his birth certificate with us?!?!?!?). That Kid did not have to go straight to his room when we got home, and did not fall asleep on his bedroom floor after not slamming his bedroom door repeatedly. When he woke up, he did not take off his diaper and poop on the kitchen floor. I did not want to leave the house and go to the store for cigarettes.

Friday night, he did not throw a huge fit when it was time to go to sleep. This is when I did not scream profanities. That Dad was smart enought to not ask at this point, "Are you sure you want another one of these? This may be a bad time to ask but..." at which point I did not shoot him a butt crusty look. He's not lucky looks can't kill.

Saturday was not a good day. He was not making up for the Day from Hell. He did not behave like an angel in the grocery store (he did not want to go with me!), and he did not go to bed, without being asked, at 8PM. He also did not get up for the day Sunday at 4:32am. And right now, he is not in the kitchen sucking water out of washcloths. I better not go get him...