Not Me Monday

Yesterday, I did not spend well over 3 hours folding laundry. There were not 5 baskets of laundry and one very, very large trash bag (not leaf sized) not full of clothes. That Dad did not again tell me that I do not have too many articles of clothing, and I did not fill that non-leaf sized bag back up with clothing to not be given away. This bag did not contain almost all of my pants, because they are not too big and they were not falling down all of the time.

I also did not fill a large bag from COAL'S (you see what I did there? :) ) with clothing belonging to That Kid, also to not be given away.

Last night, I did not make chicken Parmesan (well, provolone...) for dinner, and That Dad did not fall asleep in the basement after I did not tell him dinner would be ready in 10 minutes. This did not cause me to get so mad that I stomped around the house yelling about how everyone could just not make their own dinner from now on. I was not mad because That Dad asked me to have dinner ready at 9:30 and then fell asleep; which did not mean that after my tantrum I did not finish dinner until 10:30, and I did not gain 4 ounces, thus pushing me back over the 30 pound line.

And I am not nervous right now...I do not have an appointment with the broadcasting school tomorrow to not discuss admissions. I'm not excited, because I do not think that this will be a great thing for me and That Family; but I also do not know that this is going to be a huge commitment.

Not Me Monday

Last week was not very painful for me. Emotionally, and physically.

Wednesday was not the EDD of my first angel baby Ramen. He would have been six, had he lived. We did not put our CHRISTmas tree up on Wednesday, putting Ramen's ornament on last. That Kid did not kiss Ramen's ornament and say, "I love you, Brother!" and I did not cry. That Onna (formally That Grandma) did not say, "That Kid is going to think his brother is a CHRISTmas ornament!"

Also on Wednesday, I was not helping That Dad by measuring the front porch to determin how many strings of CHRISTmas lights we needed to buy. I was not talking to That Onna on the phone at the same time. And I most definately did not let my grip go on the tape measure. The tape did not fly back in the tape measure at an alarmingly high rate of speed, and did not cut the tip of my finger. I did not lose 4 layers of skin. There is not a huge hole in my left index finger now.

To wrap my week up, on Thursday I was not going to Costco with That Mother-in-Law; That Step-Father-in-Law; That Dad and That Kid. That Kid was not asleep, and when I was not carrying him down two itty bitty stairs into the garage I did not fall. I did not keep a hold on That Kid, and he did not stay asleep. I also did not injur myself. My foot is not injured, and I did not cut my wrist on the cabinets in the garage. And, I did not tell That Dad I wanted to go to Costco anyway! We did not go get several things for CHRISTmas, including That Kid's CHRISTmas pajamas...which are really not a CHRISTmas print but still very, very cute and a great deal. And I did not get a set of CHRISTmas DVDs I have wanted for years. They were not on a very, very good sale. And I did not chose the DVDs over a book for That Kid.

Finally, for you watchers of Desperate Housewives, last night's episode did not traumatize That Kid. He ususally doesn't get to watch Desperate Housewives with me. But, he was asleep when I started it. How was I supposed to know he was going to wake up right before a plane crashed into Santa's Workshop?!? He did not start yelling, "OH NO! OH NO WATCH OUT!" and then when the plane crashed he did not start sobbing. And he most certainly did not, every few minutes after that say, "Plane! Plane crash in house!" and start crying all over again. I did not feel awful. Guess I will not have to be more careful what I'm watching when I think That Kid is asleep and out for the night!

Not Me Monday

Today, I did not take That Kid back to the audiologist. He did not do everything he was supposed to do, and was not perfect!!!! :D :D He does not have negative ear drum pressure, meaning that his ear drums aren't moving, probably left over from the croup he's getting over. :'( Luckily, his hearing is just fine!!! Yea That Kid!

Thursday, That Kid and I are not getting on an airplane bound for the Golden State. We have not been flying together since That Kid was 3 months old. He does not have more frequent flier miles than That Dad! ;) This is not going to be a quick five day trip; and we did not pick this week because That Kid doesn't have school on Monday. I am not pulling him out of school for THREE DAYS because he had a teacher planning day. I am not an irresponsible mother, I would not pull him out of school because of a one day event! Because of the negative ear drum pressure, I am not worried about him freaking out on the plane, so I did not buy him benedryl today. I did not give him some this afternoon to test it out and make sure he wouldn't be super hyper, and he did not fall asleep within five minutes. I do not think that benedryl is a miracle drug!!!

We also did not go Christmas shopping at the mall today with my friend and two of her kids. We did not play with puppies, and I did not want to buy That Kid a kitten. A cat, really. I do not love Persian cats, and there was not a Marmalade Persian at the pet store. While we were not shopping, we did not go to Pantera Bread for coffee. I did not, as we were walking out of the mall, spill some of my coffee on That Kid's head, and he did not smell like a Gingerbread latte for the rest of the day. It was not my second favorite smell on his hair, trumped only by the time we did not go to Cold Stone for ice cream when he was just 4 weeks old and his head smelled like a waffle cone for a week after that! He did not look at me and say, "Mah hair!!! Mama's drink!! Mah hair, mah hair!!!!!!" and I did not start laughing. I was also not followed out of the mall by mall security, which did not freak me out. They were not looking at a vehicle that was right by mine, and I was not allowed to go merrily on my way. :)

Finally, I am NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT NOT looking forward to seeing New Moon in two weeks. There is not a group of us going on opening night. We are not going to wait in line for three hours before the show starts in order to guarantee us seats. I am not in love with Edward Cullen the 117 year old vampire. I did not go to a video store that was closing last week and buy a copy of Twilight and a box of New Moon Forbidden Fruits Sweetarts, and I am not re-reading Twilight.

OK, I'm not going back to watch Little People, Big World. I do not think that the Little People are headed for divorce. I do not think there is some strange TLC curse, and that the Duggars better end the show after this season before Jim Bob has to pay child support for those 19 kids!!! Nope...not me!!!!

Not me Monday

That Kid is not home from school today. He does not have a cough that is deep, and nasty, and coming from his chest. I did not have to cancel a whole bunch of appointments today. He was not going to go see that mean audiologist that made me cry last month, and was not going to have his first real check up at the dentist today. That Dad is also not sick, and I do not have a sore throat and cough. We are not a sick family!!!

I was not going to go work out for the first time in two weeks. Having That Dad home with us three days a week is not making it difficult for me to work out. I do not tell him that I'm going to work out and he does not respond with, "But don't you want to go out for breakfast while That Kid is in school?" I am not a sucker for pancakes, bacon, and sausage. Especially the fancy flavored ones they have at U Jump right now. I think we're not going to have to go there in the next couple weeks so I can try pumpkin and egg nog pancakes.

That Kid has not lost his television privileges for two whole days. Today is not the first day. He did not throw That Dad's Mp3 player in the fish tank on Saturday, thus causing me to take him out of his costume without getting any pictures and keeping him home; and I did not tell him if he threw anything else in the fish tank he would lose his beloved TV time. Last night, after I put him in bed, he did not come get me and show me that he threw the fancy book light that came with my Snuggie in the tank. I did not make him apologize to the fish, because that would just be bizarre. And, I have not had to only tell him once why the TV isn't coming on today (for him, anyway). Nope...none of this is me. NOT ME!!!

Not me Monday

That Family has been busy since moving, for sure! Not only did That Kid start school last week, but we've been making several trips to a certain store that sells things for the bedroom, bathroom, and beyond! We did not go last Tuesday, or last Wednesday, or last Saturday. Saturday's trip did not end up being a great Not me Monday topic. And I did not get a blue Snuggie that I would not be wearing if it were not 80 degrees today!

So........Saturday we ended up not going to that certain store mentioned above. We did not have a coupon for 20% off our ENTIRE PURCHASE. We did not go a little crazy buying things. I did not find an excellent deal on slipcovers for the couch and loveseat in the living room, and we did not get several Christmas presents for That Kid. We're not so prepared for Christmas that we're almost done shopping for That Kid. Nope, not us!

But that's not the best part of the story! Not even close!! Upon returning to That Family Car, That Dad did not unlock the car, throw his keys on the seat and slam the door...only to discover that the car was actually still locked because he hit the wrong button. He did not say to me, "Hey, you have your keys, right?" and I did not say, "Shut up...you're soooooo funny!" He did not pick up the phone to call That Brother-in-Law to ask him to stop by our house and come to our rescue when I did not notice that MY keys were also inside the car, sitting right in the cupholder where I tossed them when we got out of the car to go shopping. And while we did not save $42 on random stuff for the new house, we did not have to spend $85 for a locksmith to come let us in. We were not happy it was only $85. We did not think it was going to be closer to $150, and when the locksmith said, "OK, that'll be $85!" I did not think, "OMG...$185?!? We're eating Ramen for the next month! That includes at Thanksgiving!"

And in great stories about myself, yesterday I did not reach in the fridge for a Golden Arches Apple Pie only to discover they were GONE! I did not say, "Screw you, Pie eater!" and That Kid did not walk around saying "screw you" for the next several minutes. Nope...not me!!

Not Me Monday

Hey all! That Family has been slowly making progress in getting the house put into some sort of order. My internet time has been a few minutes here and there, so I haven't been able to update. However, it *is* Monday and we all know what that means! And this time I have a whole weeks worth of stuff! W00T! This should be good!!

In the last week I have not eaten fast food for every meal every day. That Dad did not say, "We have spent $300 on fast food in the last week!" and I am not tired of hamburgers, french fries, chicken nuggets, and the Arches in general!

Last Tuesday, while we were not waiting for the moving company to arrive, That Kid did not watch Daylight. I did not leave the VHS tape running in the VCR after Ferris Bueller's Day Off was over (note to self...must have an entire post on the awesomeness that is Ferris Bueller!!) He did not think it was awesome (because he does not have an infatuation with tunnels...). He did not get scared a few times, and I did not have to keep reminding him it wasn't real.

As for everything else, we have not been sleeping on the living room floor on an air mattress because our bedroom furniture is not too big for the new bedroom. That Kid's room is not a huge jumbled mess of crap. There are not boxes full of crap in every.freaking.room. Yesterday was not the first day I didn't cry the whole week. It was also not the first time I didn't have to go to the rental.

OK...I better not sign off. My friend's mom is not coming to pick me up to take me to the podiatrist and keep That Kid company in the waiting room while I do not get my toenail removed after I did not run it over while moving a piano two weeks ago. I am not in excruciating pain. Oh...and we did not just use the last diaper in the house! I do not need my Mama to come hang out with me and help me unpack boxes. And I most certainly did not think, while watching The Incredibles last night, that we're going to be just like the Incredibles and in three years I'll be calling That Dad to tell him we're officially moved in because I just unpacked the last box. Nope...not me!!

Not me Monday, redeux...

I did not make That Kid chicken and macaroni and cheese for dinner. That Kid does not hate macaroni and cheese. That Kid did not throw his plate on the floor and then proclaim, "Whuhmmeye gonna do?" (that would be "What am I gonna do?"). And he most certainly did not get out of his chair, sit on the floor and proceed to eat his macaroni and cheese. At that point, I did not say to my mother (whom I was not speaking to on the phone), "It's OK...That Dad mopped the floor like, two days ago. It's clean enough!"

Not Me Monday

Today, That Kid did not have an appointment with an audiologist. He has not been going to speech therapy for the last 18 months, and is not graduating out of the program now that he is almost three.

At the audiologist, he did not try to cover his ears when certain tones were played. He did not respond well when the audiologist was speaking to him. He did not respond well when asked to point or look at specific pictures. I am not a wreck, because the audiologist did not tell me that his behavior wasn't typical of a three year old boy. She did not say that he should have responded better to the tones. We do not have to go back in 5 weeks to have him rechecked. When I asked her if he may have reacted the way he did because his ears are not sensitive to certain noises, she did not tell me that he probably has sensory issues.

I am not going to talk to That Dad when he comes home about potentially home schooling That Kid. I am not furious about the school district trying to make him a perfect little carbon copy of each and every other student, who will either perform well or will be labeled a problem child. I am not going to go eat a muffin and cry now. This was not the Not Me Monday that I was planning to write today...but this is the one that came from my heart.

Oh...one more thing...knowing it was not going to be cool and rainy today, I did not create an outfit around a jacket. :) Nope...not me!!!

Not Me Monday

Last night, in an attempt to keep That Kid awake during his dinner, I did not give him caffeine and chocolate chips. Upon hearing this did not happen, That Dad did not say, "There needs to be some sort of website. Some sort of 'you didn't do that, did you?' website!" and I did not tell him, "Don't worry, I'm not going to blog about this tomorrow for Not Me Monday!"

Today, I am not going to make boneless pork ribs, potato salad, and cucumber salad for dinner. I did not make Rocky Road brownies last night for tonight's dessert. I am not getting off the computer to boil my 'taters and eggs so I can make the salad and get everything chilling. And I am 100% sure that if given some, That Kid would eat everything right up. Except a brownie. He is not a picky kid at all!

In other news, That Kid did not take a blanket to church with him yesterday to share with his Princess friend. He does not ask about his Princess friend during the week. I really should not talk to his Princess friend's parents about having her come over for a playdate. I'm thinking this is not That Kid's first crush!!

Finally, next week we are not going to start moving, moving, moving. That Dad has not taken off the week, we are not going to try to empty out this house. I am not going crazy. :) Nope...not me!

Not THAT KID Monday

So, I'm not going to do a not me Monday. I was perfect all week long. Except on Friday, when I did not scream profanities at the world in general. :) Friday...well...read on.

Last Monday was good. Last Tuesday was decent. Last Wednesday was a remarkable day...I got to meet That Dad's childhood best friend who has moved to the country named for a delicious Thanksgiving treat. For those of you thinking, "Um, I don't know of any country named Green Bean Casserole!!" well, I'm glad you're my friend. You make me feel smart. :)

That brings us to Thursday. Grab your beverage of choice, and sit back. It's gonna be fun from here on out!

Thursday, That Kid did not climb up on the stove completely on his own. He did not get the coffee out, and did not spill it all over my clean stove (thank heaven for flat top stoves!). Upon noticing it was very quiet in the kitchen, I did not go to investigate and That Kid did not bump his head on the range hood, did not fall over backwards off the stove onto the kitchen floor, and did not promptly fall asleep which did not scare the crap out of me. I did not spend the next couple hours checking That Kid as he slept (btw, if this had really happened, That Kid would be just fine).

Friday...otherwise known as the Day from Hell. On Friday, That Dad did not suggest we go out for breakfast. We did not get ready, and go to UJump for breakfast. That Kid did not throw huge fits at breakfast, refusing to eat only when I was holding him. He did not slap books and crayons out of That Dad's hand. And when breakfast was over, we did not go to the Smiley Face store. When we were not at the Smiley Face store, we did not go into the toy department. That Dad did not want to get That Kid a hotwheels track for $8, and That Kid did not refuse the track That Dad did not want to get him for one that was $30. I can't believe I'm not going to admit to what happened next.

It was not Armageddon. Three employees did not come ask if That Kid was alright. While we were not trying to escape, "Mr. Back in a Brace that could only move 2 inches a minute" did not get in front of us, and every rude person in the Mile High city did not pass us, not allowing us to move faster. These same people did not give us butt crusty looks. I did not hear those same people making remarks about how That Kid's behaviour was unacceptable (REALLY??? Did you never go out with an almost 3 year old?!?). Once we made it to our car, That Kid did not refuse to get in his carseat, there was not a woman watching That Kid scream with a horrified look on her face and her hand poised to grab her cell phone to possibly call the police because she thought we were not kidnapping That Kid (Hey...how do you prove your kid is yours, anyway?? Should I start carrying his birth certificate with us?!?!?!?). That Kid did not have to go straight to his room when we got home, and did not fall asleep on his bedroom floor after not slamming his bedroom door repeatedly. When he woke up, he did not take off his diaper and poop on the kitchen floor. I did not want to leave the house and go to the store for cigarettes.

Friday night, he did not throw a huge fit when it was time to go to sleep. This is when I did not scream profanities. That Dad was smart enought to not ask at this point, "Are you sure you want another one of these? This may be a bad time to ask but..." at which point I did not shoot him a butt crusty look. He's not lucky looks can't kill.

Saturday was not a good day. He was not making up for the Day from Hell. He did not behave like an angel in the grocery store (he did not want to go with me!), and he did not go to bed, without being asked, at 8PM. He also did not get up for the day Sunday at 4:32am. And right now, he is not in the kitchen sucking water out of washcloths. I better not go get him...

Not Me Monday

I am not sitting here with a naked child who is watching Clifford. I am not going to be that "Naked Potty Training" Mama with the potty chair in the living room. I am not tired of That Kid pooping in cups, on the floor, and other various places...it's fun to clean up poop!!

And most important of all, I am not having baby fever so badly that even though I'm on the pill I've convinced myself there's a possibility I'm pregnant. For the second month in three months. Complete with vomiting, headaches, and afternoon naps!! Nope, not me!!

Not Me Monday

Today, I did not make banana bread because That Kid opened every banana in the house. I also did not make That Dad a birthday cake on Saturday that had the inscription, "40-3=YOU". And I did not start to tackle the laundry...there are not four baskets of laundry that need to be folded and have needed to be folded for the last month...and That Dad does not say on a regular basis, "You do not have enough clothes!" Nope...not me!

Not me Monday

I did not get a toy from the basement and tell That Kid as soon as he picked up the toys in the living room he could open the toy. I also did not open that toy, and give it to That Kid without the toys being picked up!! I am not using bribery...nope, not me!

It's Monday, so you know what that means...

I did not take That Kid to the dentist today because I thought he had a broken molar. What kind of Mama would do that? After we did not go to the dentist, I did not go buy a new water tube for That Freaking Bird because I did not break the other one yesterday. And, I did not take That Kid to Target, where he acted like a nut because he wanted a car!! Nope...not me!!

Is it Tuesday yet??

Not me Monday

I am not, and I repeat NOT sitting in the living room, in the dark, eating chocolate chip pecan sandie cookies and watching The Bachelorette while That Kid chases That Dog around the living room. And I do not hope that Jillian picks Ed. Nope...not me...not at all!

Not me Monday

~I did not have a detailed discussion with my husband Saturday night about gay porn. We did not discuss why guys think it's totally hot to watch two girls together, but girls wouldn't be as interested in watching two guys together, and the conversation did not end with my husband saying, "No, I wouldn't want to watch Jordan Knight with another guy, but if he was with a smokin' hot chick I wouldn't mind watching that!" Nope, that wasn't me! NOT ME!!

~I did not get bit in the face by That Kid on a trip to the Children's Museum after That Kid was upset about not getting to play with the trains anymore. I did not cry because That Kid bit me, I did not cry because I was embarassed. I did not pull That Kid's hair until he quit biting my face, and I absolutly did not wish I could leave him there! That wasn't me, so don't think it was!

~Finally, I did not allow That Kid to eat M&Ms at That Papa and That Grandma's house for breakfast. That wasn't me...not me at all!